He Strengthens Me

Feingold Week

2009-10-21T16:15:00.000-07:00

So, my husband left home last Thursday for a hunting trip with "the boys." I'm very happy for him that he has gotten a whole week with no cell phone, no laptop, no children, and no grumpy wife. And actually, the week hasn't been that bad.

But to make things more exciting, I decided on the spur of the moment (this is the normal way in which I decide things) to try the Feingold Diet out on my family. This is a no artificial flavor, no artificial color diet, also no apples, oranges, and tomatoes (and other things we don't eat much of.)

Things I learned:
There is food coloring in butter, syrup, deodorant, and even canned tomatoes!
Lots of canned things have preservatives
My favorite canned mushroom soup has MSG, which my hubby is allergic to, and I never knew it!

Things I've noticed:
My kids eat ALOT of candy. This diet totally cuts out candy because all of it has coloring. And even though I don't ever buy candy (except for one insane moment when I bought a bag and kept it in my car for "rewards"), the kids are having candy almost every day. My first grader gets candy for finishing her DAILY reading. My 3rd grader gets candy for being a helper at school. There are birthday parties, holidays, candy during art class, candy from the bus driver....
It's AMAZING! Then there's church. For the preschooler they are better about serving gold fish and graham crackers, but once you reach Kindergarten you graduate to CANDY.

Note: I am not really a health nut. I love to bake. I adore chocolate. And I often feed my kids sweets so that they'll let ME eat sweets. But at least then I am in charge of the amount of sweets they are getting, not their educators.

What has changed:
I was hoping for a great awakening of kindness, gentleness, and wisdom sprouting from these newly detoxified children. On exactly Day 3. Didn't happen. Instead, at random intervals I noticed my 6 year old being...kind. Twice she asked a brother if she could help him. This is unusual for her. I think there has been a few less tantrums in the 4 year old, but not a huge change. A blogging friend of mine who has walked this path before suggested that

1)I have not found all of the triggers: I know I am still using vanillin in my baking. I know we are still using colored toothpaste. There have probably been a few more lapses that I didn't notice.

2)It might take longer to detox if they have had high dosages of....CANDY.

So, tonight or in the wee hours of the morning when my husband arrives home from "huntin" (cue the music) I will let him know about our trail run, and see what he thinks. If he decides to join us I will be absolutely FLABBERGASTED, because he would lose his Mountain Dew (Yellow #5!) and the privilege of eating out for lunch. We will see!

Obey all the way

2009-10-06T13:57:00.000-07:00

Scripture: Exodus 10 "And Moses said, 'We will go with our young and old; with our sons and our daughters, with our flocks and our herds we will go, for we must hold a feast to the Lord." Then Pharoah said to them..."Not so! Go now with your men, and serve the Lord."

Observation: Pharoah thought partial obedience would satifisfy this God, and he tried to remain in control.

Application: Partial obedience is not really obedience. Recently a friend of mine brought over 22 loaves of bread - for free. This was a huge answer to prayer, because our grocery budget this month is very tight. Then Lord laid it on my heart to give some of the bread away to another family that could clearly use it. I was happy to do so - until the Lord said "10 loaves." Are you serious Lord - 10? But I resolved to give 10, even though I didn't really see the need. Then when I got home, I began loading up the 10 loaves of bread, and I realized how empty our freezer was. It would only leave us with about 4 loaves left. I began to justify just giving them 5...but out of obedience I loaded up all 10 loaves. Not but two days later, the same friend came by with another 15 loaves! God didn't give me back my 10 - he gave 15!! Isn't He good! And what might have been the consequences to me and my family if I had obeyed just part of the way?

Prayer: Dearest Lord, Please help me to obey all the way every time you ask. And please make my spirit sensitive to Your direction and moldable to Your Word, that I would repent quickly of my justification, reasoning, and sheer disobedience.

God is not efficient

2009-09-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

I am reading through the Exodus and I have begun the long series of plagues that are about to come upon Egypt. The first time Moses and Aaron encounter Pharoah it is with this instruction:"you shall say to Aaron " Take your rod and cast it before Pharoah and before his servants, and let it become a serpent." I can just imagine Moses, already shy and fumbling, stoking up his courage to walk into Pharoah's presence feeling like he has a magic bullet. ..."I can't wait to see the look on his face! I wonder if he might bow down to ME! I hope it is a nice snake, because my insurance isn't paid up..." And so Aaron throws down his rod, but then "Pharoah also called his wise men and sorcerers; so the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments. For every man threw down his rod, and they became serpents."

Maybe I've just gotten used to rods turning into serpents from my Sunday School days, but the fact that wise men and magicians, apart from the power of God, are able to do this creeps me out. And imagine poor Moses, the fear coursing through his veins, the humiliation of being matched test for test.

But this is the Lord's way.

He knew what the magicians could do, and he knew they would feel great superiority, and he was not at all concerned about his servant's public image or ego. God has all the time in the world (er...you know what I mean). He isn't on a schedule and he isn't trying to make efficient use of His resources. He is God. He is apart from all of man's trappings and guidelines. He does not care about profit or convenience, for His own sake.

All this to say, the things in my life that make me bow down in awe and wonder, as Aaron's rod must have inspired Moses - I'm thinking of my baby's first prayer, and the woman who delivered loaves of bread to my home as we were down to our last slice, and the $10,000 check that just happened to drop into my boss' hands the day before payroll, and the way God always helps me find my cell phone and debit card - these things just aren't that awe-inspiring to my heathen neighbors. They are totally explainable, and totally possible apart from God.

And secondly, it is not unlike God to keep me a bit off balance and treat me like a slave...when I just want to be a Servant of God...with faith like Moses!

2009-09-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

The whole truch and nothing but the truth!!!

I'm feeling very distant from God. I talk about God all the time with the kids, I quote Bible verses probably once an hour. I spend time praying for others either in Sunday School, church, small group, or as I'm falling asleep at night, but I'm not feeling that amazing intimacy and the fullness that comes when I'm close to God. So, last Sunday I said something to Brian about fasting for the purpose of seeking God's will about Annie, but I didn't do it. And then last Friday (or whatever day Ramadan began) I heard a program about it, and it was talking about the health benefits and also that most religions use fasting as a way of purifying our relationship with God. So, on Saturday night something clicked and I said "yep, I'm gonna do that for a week." And I thought about finding several specific things to pray for or fast about, but really it mostly comes down to a deeper, truer walk with God.

And here's the fun part! I fasted for the full day Sunday and on Monday Brian and I were laying on our bed talking during nap time and he said "I want you to go ahead and make the appt at the doctor to get "that thing" taken out." Just out of the blue!!! I was in shock. And then he said he's not sure what we'll do (after the next baby) for birth control, but he isn't at peace with the Mirena, and he's not sure he can really justify birth control at all. (Okay, so, I've been praying about this for about 11 years, and specifically for Brian's heart about it for about 6, and still I was SHOCKED.) I hadn't begged, or whined, or connived, or done anything other than finally say "I trust you with this. Can you just make sure you are fully educated?" Wow.

Okay, so the last time I had to call and make an appointment for this kind of thing there was a four month waiting list. Today I made the appointment...for next week. Yeah. I could (will) be pregnant before the end of September. Yikes. So, I was composing an email in my head to an online friend of mine, just asking for her prayers and asking her where the faith is supposed to come from to do this - because I'm not feeling it. And the Lord said, "WHY DON'T YOU E-MAIL ME?" And I thought That's brilliant! So I did. I sat on the couch and prayed as if I was just sending an email to a friend who has more experience than me. And then I said "Okay, Jesus. Now it is your turn to talk." And He said "You'll have to pick up your Bible." Figures. But the chapter that popped into my head was John 14, so I went to that, being comforted by "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God." and went on reading..."You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." Oh wow. Is that in the Bible? I tried to read it "in context" to make sure I wasn't imposing my own wishes....nope that's what it said. And furthermore, that wasn't even what Thomas was asking about - it's like Jesus just wanted to throw it in (for Lindsey). So, I'm actually having trouble deciding exactly what I'd like to ask in His name, if I know it will be done. But I'm thinking medical bills. Brian has been paying dental bills for the last three years on his crown work, and now just add another $7000 for his toe. If the Lord could please take care of our medical bills, I think my husband can support our family. So, that's how I am. Just one measly day of fasting and the Lord answered my biggest and most prayed about prayer. But I think I'll need 6 more days of fasting to give me the faith to enjoy it!

And since then....some friends of our gave us a huge ziploc bag of macaroni dinner that tasted AWESOME! And then other friends dropped by with 22 loaves of bread, and bagels, and croissants, and doughnuts! And then another friend of ours, who is a regular blessing in our lives, has had some hard times of late, and today he received a $10,000 check - just a day before rent and payroll was due. God is able- do we trust him?

I'm back, did you miss me?

2009-09-09T07:37:00.001-07:00

No, probably not. I never TOLD anyone about this blog. But now I will, and I'll tell you why in the next post.

Who am I talking to?

2008-11-13T21:56:00.000-08:00

S-"But when it pleased God....to reveal His son in me, that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately confer with flesh and blood..." Gal 1: 15-17

O- When Paul heard from the Lord, He did not need to go to people, even Christian leaders, to get confirmation.

A- My relationship is only between me and the Lord. It is intensely personal. God talks directly with me, and I do not need to always turn to other Christians to validate what God has said.

P- Lord, You know that I am often desiring to hear your words from the lips of people. But you also know that they are not God in my life. And I pray that you would help me to develop a close enough walk with You that I can trust Your whispers above the counsel of my friends and family. If there is ever a time that I am misled in my understanding of Your direction for my life, I pray that you would send Godly counsel to intervene. But if you have something for me that is just for You and me, please give me the faith in You to trust You and not to turn to others.

To fast or not to fast: That is the question.

2008-11-13T21:48:00.000-08:00

My friend and I are fasting every Thursday for about 24 hours. We began doing this as a result of our Thursday night Bible study, where we would like to see God move. For the first few weeks I did it grudgingly. I really didn't have any extra time in the day to pray, so I felt like it was a hypocritical fast - to fast but not really pray. But I did it anyway, and I didn't feel like I saw any amazing results.

The next few weeks I actually forgot, and would eat a meal and then realize OOPS!

This week I did remember, and it was tough. I have some candy in my drawer at work and OH how I wanted to eat it. Several times I almost gave up and nibbled a few, but then I would pray this prayer. "Lord, I am hungry. But even more I am hungry for You. Help me to be even more hungry for You, and also help me to resist those awesome Hershey's Kisses."

And here's the result:
-My boss made the comment "I need to pray with you in the room more often. The Lord really heard my prayer" (regarding the stock market turning around)
-Our small group tonight was totally awesome. Several people shared who have not normally shared, and I think a sense of oneness and belonging was present.
-My husband applied for a new job today, and although I don't know that he will get it, I am consumed with peace that the Lord knows the perfect place for him, and the Lord knows I have four children and really need Him to be the provider this winter.
-Tonight my kids have gone to bed easily, and I am feeling the call to read the Word and pray, which I often hear and ignore, but tonight I am easily saying YES LORD!

Where did the gospel come from?

2008-11-05T19:41:00.000-08:00

S- "For I make known to you, bretheren, that the gospel which was preached by me is not according to man. For I neither received it from man, nor was taught it, but it came through the revelation of Jesus Christ." Gal 1: 11-12

O- The gospel was not created by men.

A- There are times when the gospel feels foreign to me, even though I've been a Christian almost my whole life. I often feel like Jesus was absolutely an alien. There are times when the whole thought of reading His life makes me tremble with fear, and with frustration. Recently, I HAVE been ashamed of the Gospel, the fact of which makes me even MORE ashamed! But I am freed by the fact that I don'thave to make it fit into my brain, any more that I have to understand gravity the way Newton did. I just have to trust it.

P - Lord, my brain doesn't get it, my heart sometimes doesn't, and my friends and coworkers definitely don't. Would you forgive me for trying to fit you and your plan into my box? Help me to expand my understanding of you, and of the greatness of your divinity, and of the majesty of your Godness. Please help me not to be ashamed of your gospel, but to embrace it fully as your plan for every man, and to see their bondage without it.

SOAP

2008-11-04T20:04:00.000-08:00

There is a blog I've been following, which I'm sure I'll eventually find the link to, that has been inpiring me with a glimpse into the prayer life of a woman seeking G0d. She uses the "SOAP" method,and after much procrastinating I am going to give it a shot!

S-Scripture
O-Observation
A-Application
P-Prayer

I don't really have any book of the Bible calling out to me, so I thought I would try to trek through Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians, and see if I come out a gracious, encouraging, fruitful, humble gal -- the way Paul would want me to be!

S - "Grace to you and peace from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, who gave Himself from our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father." Galatians 1: 3

O- God knows that I am living in an evil time, and He already has an answer - the death of my Lord Jesus Christ to deliver me from my sins.

A- God is more concerned about MY sins than the sins of all of the evil people around me! It is my faith in Jesus, and His forgiveness that will deliver me, not politicians, not morality, and not happiness.

P- Lord, I am feeling the pressing evil of the present age, and sometimes it scares me. Thank you that You already see it all, and You have already provided an answer, and that You also see my sin and all of my encumbrances and You have already provided deliverance! Thank you!

Summer Part 4

2008-08-12T18:55:00.003-07:00

I have been meeting with a new accountability partner and totally loving it!

She has asked me to teach a Bible Study with her this Fall, which makes me think about our Schedule. Here is how it looks right now.

Sunday: 8 am - 12:30 Church
1-3 Naps
3-5 Clean house for company
5-10 Small group and Football!!

Monday 5:45-6:45 Mackenzie's soccer practice

Tuesday Possibly another small group...or laundry night?

Wednesday 5:45 - 6:45 Mackenzie's soccer practice
8:30-10:30 Praise team practice (every other week)

Thursday 6:00-9:00 Bible Study with Meghan

Friday 8:30 Brian's night out/ Date night (every other week)

Saturday Mackenzie and Annie soccer games
3:30-6:30 Praise Team Practice (Brian)
6:30-9:00 Saturday night service

I'm already tired, just reading it! I am also hoping to average 4 family dinners a week.

Summer Part 3

2008-08-12T18:55:00.002-07:00

I am a bit disorganized. I am a bit of a pack rat.

For some unknown reason, I am on a tear recently getting rid of and organizing our clothes. I have created a family closet in our downstairs closet, and boxed up 2 huge tubs of clothes that FIT our children!! We have way too many clothes!

Also, I created a laundry folding area, and have moved our hampers downstairs, and I am LOVING it!!

I have stayed caught up with the laundry for two weeks straight! (A miracle!)...oops, I need to go get the clothes out of the dryer!

This is the closet with 15 outfits for each child.

These are the hampers - white clothes, dark clothes, red clothes.

This is the folding table (I have a pile for each child, but it will normally be smaller than this pile) Place for storing empty baskets. Blue tub for storing outgrown clothes. White tub for unmatched socks. Huggies box for empty hangars.

This is the pajama/underwear cabinet - much easier to keep straight than a dresser!

Want more ideas to help a growing family, visit Ship Full O Pirates!

Summer Part 2

2008-08-12T18:55:00.001-07:00

Brian and I have again been discussing my QF convictions. FamilyLife aired a week of broadcasts regarding birth control recently, and Brian has suggested we listen to them together. Unfortunately he has not followed through on this, because at night he just wants to relax, and listening is like opening a can of worms! I have already disagreed with renown theologian John Piper, so I must also give Brian the freedom to disagree with Dennis Rainey! But I do want to completely discuss and explore the topic with Brian before we leave it to prayer and patience and the Lord to bring us into unity.

Summer is flying by!

2008-08-12T18:55:00.000-07:00

The third week of July we joined our youth on a trip to Eureka, California for Vacation Bible School.
Pros:
Our children were able to get to know the youth of our church.
Brian was able to serve in one of his areas of strength: messy loud youth games.
Our children were asked to serve with a smile, and saw others doing the same.
Brian and I had to work as a team for 10 days straight.
The youth were able to see a family serving God together - loudly, and with much energy.
We had a washer, and arrived home with clean clothes in the suitcases! (God knows my needs!)
Our children saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time, and great enjoyed walking on the soft sand and splashing in the waves.

Cons:
Very long, loud, road trip with much threatening.
Four children running around a strange church with no boundaries or rules.
Four children limited to a small room for a long time, asked to stay quiet. Ugh!
I didn't feel the freedom to really engage with the youth or VBS children because most of the time I was intent on mothering.

Overall, I'm glad we did it, but I don't know that I will want to go again next year.

Blogging for Life

2008-06-06T08:39:00.000-07:00

As a project at work, I have been asked to search for blogs about breast cancer. Rather than being a downer, it has been so refreshing. What a vivacious, tenacious, spiritual, and forthright group of women! Over the next few days I will be compiling a list of my favorites, but here is one for now...

My Breast Cancer Story

Where the kids are...

2008-05-28T17:21:00.000-07:00

I've been reminded today how terrible I am at chronicaling the children's moments. Poor Explorer doesn't even have a baby book! So, here is my jab at it:

Explorer: Today he said "Down" and it sounded like "down"! He says thank you, momma, dad, "insert big sis' name here" (with all three syllables!), here you go, oh, and uhoh, He also signs several things, and we are working on "cup" because when he can't reach his cup he is unbearable. He is sleeping in a bed with a rail, drinking from sippy cups, still using a pacy. He has a contagious laugh and wonderful sense of humor. He likes to help sweep, hates the vacuum, doesn't eat noodles, but loves yogurt, and also likes to tear my house apart. I child-proofed for this child!

Entertainer - My firstborn son turned three on Friday. I remember how hot it was the week he was born - over 100. On the day of his birthday, here in the Pacific Northwest, it was over 60! He is really starting to get the potty training thing. He is late, but that's Mom's fault, not his. He loves Diego and firetrucks, dresses up in princess clothes, loves to color, but is particular that only one inspired drawing go on each page, which creates lots of paper with only one circle (I mean smiley face) on it. He is moody, but incredibly loving. He loves to cuddle and give kisses, and comfort. He is an awesome, unselfish, and protective big brother. He is a selfish, aggressive, and jealous little brother!

Miss Perfect - I am slowly understanding my Little Miss Perfect. She really really likes things perfect. She will not allow a side pony tail - that would not be symmetrical. (NOTE: the reason Mommy LIKES side pony tails is because they never look lopsided) She puts her shoes on first thing in the morning so that she never steps on a crumb. She must must must have a blankie to sleep. She will not eat a bite of food that is not perfect. It must look perfect. It must smell perfect. ....She is very skinny. I have often worried about her soul, because she is not very malleable and humble, but occasionally she will pray the most beautiful and sensitive prayers. I believe the Lord will humble her, and break her heart, and that she will be a FIREBALL for the Lord. She will be inspired to pray until tears, to proclaim the truth until someone listens. She will be the fork in the road in the life of everyone she meets- people will have to choose to do it HER way (which I pray is also the Lord's way), or to purposefully go the other. This is my prayer. So, I pour as much truth into her as I can, and pray ALOT!
I had gotten bad about dismissing her complaints, because she always wants things different, but I'm realizing that is her love language. If she can have iced water, a little light in her room, a certain plate, clothes that are soft, and "itching lotion" every night, then all is right with the world. In a few more years, she'll be able to do all of those things by herself, and as long as she understands these things are not ALWAYS going to happen, then maybe giving in a little wouldn't kill me!

Golden Girl - My eldest is nearing the end of first grade. She is so smart, but unfortunately not really challenged in her classes. She could be doing really high math by now. Her desire to know and understand surpasses my desire to explain! She is a thinker. She will hear something in church, and ask a question about it weeks later. I enjoy her questions so much! Recently, she is experimenting with really telling Mom "no." I think it will be a very short experiment - she has too many things that she loves to do, and she learns very quickly!

As a group, they play together really well. They are starting to share well, and to look out for each other. The girls work together and encourage and remind each other. They don't resent each other (except for resenting the one who doesn't have to take a nap!) and they don't call names. My four little blessings!

Diet starts today

2008-05-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

Gotta start somewhere right? I'm ready to enjoy my summer, get my strength back, and look different this Labor Day than I did last year. Are you with me?!!

Spots!

2008-05-15T19:00:00.000-07:00

I think I am a fairly healthy person (I write this even as I am suffering from a cold and feel terrible.) I had allergies and asthma as a child. And back problems. And lots of sprains. But, somehow I didn't feel like I was sick alot. As I have had children, it is amazing how they not only have my genes, but also my husband's! They look like him, and they get sick like him!! It is amazing!

I mention this because my husband has skin problems (dry, scabby areas on his hands and wrist). And my kids have caught it! Several years ago Miss Perfect broke out in hives. They were mostly on her face, and she got them several times. After a few trips to the doctor she was diagnosed with benign hives and told there was absolutely no cause, nor any reason to worry. Explorer might have rosacea. His cheeks get red and infected looking for no reason at all and are very dry. Miss Perfect is always itchy, and asks for "itching lotion" every night before bed. And now....

Golden Girl has broken out in a rash. It is all over her arms, which caused me to think it was poison ivy or something, because (on May 15th) it is finally nice enought for her to climb around in the back yard. But she also has it on her tummy and back, beneath her shirt. So, that made me think heat rash (in 70 degree weather) but the arms are really strange for a heat rash. So, I have no good explanation. Suggestions?

Whirlwind

2008-04-30T16:53:00.001-07:00

What a day! Today was free McLatte Friday. The LAST free McLatte Friday ever! But, in order to get my free McLatte, I had to go to McDonald's before work, which means I needed to leave the house a few minutes early. Alas, my babysitters arrived late, so I did not get my free McLatte.

Work was awesome. We are working on two multi-million dollar proposals, which is bign and fun,and busy.

Got home much later to expected, only to have Dad and Janet leave to go take a nap at the hotel. This trip has been very tiring for them. First, because of the very long day of travel, then the two hour time difference, then four grandchildren tiring them out....! So, they've slept alot and I haven't had much time to visit with them.

Then, we went to the carnival at my dear daughter's school. It was a ton of fun, the kids were well behaved, and to top it all off we won the raffle and I brought home a great basket of balls. Perfect way to start the summer!

Then we went to my favorite local Mexican food restaurant. The wait was not too long,but the place was so crowded that we didn't even get water for about 15 minutes. The food actually didn't take too long, but it was late, the kids were hungry, and we didn't get great service - which made it seem very long.

Wonderful day!

Company!

2008-04-30T16:53:00.000-07:00

I am so excited! Today my Dad and stepmom, Janet, are coming to visit. They are so wonderful and generous, and it is always refreshing to see them. I love catching up, and seeing their joy in watching the children. They actually missed their flight on the way up here (because my Dad likes to push boundaries....Do you REALLY want me at the airport an hour and a half before the flight??). But, that actually gave me a full day at work, and then an hour to pick up around the house. The house is still a mess. Every closet and drawer are busting at the seams.

There is a link from another blogger that has me curious. It is a video series called "Clutter Busters" and I'm about ready to dig in and bust some clutter. I really do try. I think I throw things away. But, obviously it isn't working, because my closet is full of clothes that dont' fit me, and we have WAY too many toys with very small, lost parts!

But I really want to get my husband into it. I don't think he is a messy person, but he LOVES his collectibles and extra stuff. He takes great comfort in it - and it results in boxes and boxes of things in the garage and in his closet. Every six months he goes through the boxes and takes great delight in finding things. Although I'd love the closet space, I would hate to rob him the joy of his stuff.

My stuff is another matter. If it disappeared off the planet I wouldnt' notice. I just hate trying to find a place for everything. Where do you put an organizational binder from several years ago? Where do you put lotion you aren't using yet? Where do you put framed pictures that just don't have a good wall in your house (we are eventually moving...!) Maybe "Clutter Busters" will tell me what my deal is.

If so, I will first bust the clutter, then post a picture of my beautiful, spacious closets.

2008-04-24T12:54:00.000-07:00

Rose and Driftwood, San Francisco, California

I'm still learning how to add images. Found this. Ansel Adams is by far my favorite photographer, and at one time I had quite an interest in photography....

Something has stolen my peace

2008-04-21T19:44:00.001-07:00

My hubby and I have financed our lives away. We started in 2001, when we started college. We took out many many thousands of dollars of loans to live on - to pay for gas, eat... Now, 7 years later, we are paying over $600 a month on school loans. That is hard for any budget to absorb.

We are considering consolidating all of the loans, but as I am looking at it - the term of repayment will go from 3 years and 8 years to 30 years.

30 years!!! My oldest daughter could have teenage children by then.

But the thing that has stolen my peace is how eager he and I both are to reconsolidate. For the price of about $150 a month we are putting ourselves into 20 more years of bondage. How can we, two very smart people, be so dumb over and over and over. We do this on a regular basis - Can't pay for it now? No problem - pay for it over time....over a LONG time.

However, I have confronted my husband over two really big issues in the last month, so I don't feel I even have the right to mention how wrong I have been in this big decision.

Oh Lord, please free us from the bondage of debt.
Show us areas of our lives where we have indulged and can now cut back.
Deliver us from foolishness and help us make wise financial decisions.
And please help hubby and I to be unified in our finances, and not warring amongst ourselves.

Sweet Fellowship

2008-04-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

I had an amazing day today. The Lord saw my need and filled it. He knew the cry of my heart even before I had the awareness that I was crying. I don't think it was loneliness, but a desire to be with like minded women. People who are enjoying life, enjoying motherhood, enjoying Christ. (and who like coffee, and like to talk!)

Several weeks ago, one of my favorite bloggers, mentioned that she was going to be in the Pacific Northwest, and somewhere along the way it grew into the idea of gathering together "Mommy Bloggers." Being that this is my third post, I am only barely in this category, but nobody EVER visits Washington, so I jumped on the idea.

Furthermore, hubby and I just really are not very good at creating fun and interesting family activities, but here was one gift wrapped and delivered to my Inbox!

At the last minute, hubby bailed out, and I had the opportunity to invite a friend of mine (mother of two) to join us on our hour long trip to Mommy Blogger Heaven. This hour meant alot to me - I needed some time with my friend. She had just returned from a month long trip, and I wanted to jump back into her life as fast as possible.

We arrived right on time, unloaded our 8 passenger vehicle, which had held 8 passengers for the very first time (and 5 carseats!) and were greeted by a whole team of helpful and cheerful children. They introduced themselves, helped me carry in food and baby stuff, and, more than anything, assuaged my fears that I was in for 6 hours of marathon "keeping my children from killing themselves," which is no fun at all. I was immediately at peace with the surroundings and that, even outdoors on the lovely acreage, my kids were contained and well looked-after.

....Did I mention that this was Mommy Blogger Heaven!

I met for the first time so many lovely women, and their delightful children. Some had come from just down the street, some from another county, and at least one from a different time zone.

It was refreshing. It was encouraging. Thank you to all of you, all that you shared, and all that you are. Here are their blogs:

Kim at Life in a Shoe

Kim at Cunningham Rules

Karen at Engstrom Family Celebrations

Jenni at Chris and Jenni

Kendra at Heath Happenings

Sarah at A Dollop of Sour Cream

And here are my few pictures, taken mostly of my children...sorry!

One of the first exciting things that happened was the appearance of two feisty goats - eager to eat the newly grown Tulips. All children were assigned the task of shooing away the naughty goats. The LOVED it, and there were lots of giggles!

Then the children marched off to put the goats back in there goathouse. My Golden Girl, age 6, is in all pink, and was so excited to hold the reigns, followed by my Miss Perfect.

The goat house!

Having Fun Together:
Entertainer, age almost 3
Explorer, age 17 mos.

Miss Perfect, age 4 1/2

As a side note: You will notice my children will not look at my camera. I do not understand this. The moment after I take a picture they are very eager to see how they look in it - you would think they would want to be showing their faces....I don't know.

A Day in the Life...

2008-04-12T19:36:00.001-07:00

It was one of those days....

My hubby was playing in a softball tournament, so he left early this morning. The kids also arose early, having forgotten that it was Saturday! I decided to take them to watch Daddy play softball, so we hurriedly got dressed and scarfed breakfast, then loaded everyone into the car.

During the trip, 3 out of 4 kids complained about an upset stomach. On the way from the car to the fields my 4yo pulled down her pants because she realized she had pooped in them. Uh Oh. Diarrhea.

So, rather than arriving with happy kids and a happy wife to surprise my hubby, I said "HI - hold them - I've got to get her to the potty!"

Once that crisis was averted we actually had a great morning. The weather was awesome and there was plenty of room to play.

On the way home, dd4 again complained about her tummy, and I thought she might need to go to the potty again. But, just a few blocks from our house she began throwing up. Poor thing! She couldn't do anything but just sit there!

So, once home, my dear hubby fixed lunch for the others while I got dd4 out of the gross clothes and into bed. No lunch for her!

Son also has diarrhea, but he is in diapers. Daughter is now complaining of tummy hurting as we go to bed for the night.

One of those days....

My Quiverfull Journey

2008-04-10T19:57:00.000-07:00

(THE FOLLOWING WAS WRITTEN BUT NEVER PUBLISHED IN APRIL 2008)

Have you ever started a book, then grown weary and laid it aside? Then picked it up again years later with renewed eyes and understanding?

I first was confronted with the idea of a Quiverfull lifestyle by reading "A Full Quiver" back in 1997. I had just graduated high school, and had no intentions of having children for a long, long time. I think at the time I was planning to go to college for 4 years, get married in the fifth year, have a child or two, then.....I don't know what I was thinking! But this is the way my parents had done it, and it seemed to have worked.

A dear friend of mine leant me the book,which I devoured (because that is what I do to books!) and the idea absolutely set my heart on fire, and my world on its ear.

Prior to 1997, I don't think I had ever changed one diaper. I had only babysat once, with a friend. And I didn't really like kids all that much. In retrospect, the largest family I had ever known had 4 kids, and that seemed very large. I was one of three, and when I think about all of my closest friends in high school, I think almost all of them were the oldest of 2 children. (I'm not sure how that happened, but it is weird)

During this amazing year, I fell in love with my future husband, we became engaged and I began to freak out. We were not even married, and I was obsessing about birth control, and what if we didn't use it, and I had a child every year for 35 years? What if we couldn't afford it? What if we didn't want them?

I am teasing a little bit, but the fear was larger than anything I'd ever felt before. It was Satanic. It was overwhelming. I prayed without ceasing that the Lord would calm my heart and take my fear away. I tried to explain all of this to my Beloved, but he really didn't get it (to his credit, he tried really hard!)

Fast forward to the month of the wedding. I had basically forgotten my Quiverfull convictions in light of REALITY, so I skipped off to the doctor to get my pills. In the process, the doctor (Bless her soul forever!) discovered that I have Protein S deficiency, which causes a tendency toward blood clots, and that I can NEVER take a birth control pill.

Step 2: We tried DepoProvera. This did in fact prevent pregnancy - because I became such an awful person my husband wouldn't get NEAR me! So, once that faded out of my system we moved on to

Step 3: The Diaphragm. I could never get this device to be comfortable, so I didn't use it! :)

Step 4: Condoms. With all other choices out the window we resorted to condoms. We both hated it. It seems extremely unnatural. And apparently we didn't read the instructions, because I became pregnant with our first child while trying not to conceive.

Child# 2: Conceived using condoms

Child #3: Conceived using spermicides

Child #4: Decided not to prevent....pregnant two weeks later!

And now....I am currently using an IUD. But I am having very Quiverfull desires. I want to be at home. I want to trust God to give or not give us children. I want the blessings that will come from obedience.

But....I also want peace in my home, which is hard to maintain with very little kids. I want to climb out of debt, which is hard to do on one income and with very expensive pregnancies. I want to love my husband, which is by far the hardest when I am tired, and he is irritated by the noise, and I am irritated that he is so irritated, when I'm the one who has been around it all day........!

But, far above all, I want to obey.

And if that means

-No birth control.....then I will choose to learn to maintain a peaceful home full of little ones, and I will learn to love my husband by creating a peaceful environment

Or if that means

-Submitting to my husband's desires to plan our pregnancies....then I will choose to be at peace, and not a contentious woman. I will support his choices and not talk about it behind his back, and I will thank God for a husband who will stand up to my whims and fancies and be a leader.

So, in the last 2 weeks I have again presented my Quiverfull ideas to my husband of eight years, and he has agreed to think about it. Since I didn't hear him thinking, I nagged once or twice. And last night he said that he had talked to one of our pastors about it, and will be meeting with him next week.

Aghast! I almost jumped down his throat! I happen to know that the dear wife of this dear pastor is against Quiverfull ideas. But, later when I had calmed down, I realized the grace of God. First, my husband is thinking and talking about it. Second, I know this pastor is a man of the Word, and that he will have a well thought out argument, what ever he says. And, this is the coolest part....no matter what the pastor says, my husband's heart is in the hand of the Lord!

Just like Balaam, God can take a messenger that says "birth control is reasonable" to show my husband "birth control is wrong." And then I would know that it truly is the hand of the Lord, and not the naggings of a wife, or the pressure of a church, that is leading our family in this direction....

Because, it would DEFINITELY be a roller coaster ride!

My First Post

2008-04-10T19:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why I started this blog. I love reading the blogs of other women, other mothers, others who have created a well-worn path for me to follow.

But I am not like them.

Apart from having no idea how to link to other sites, I am not creative, I am not wise, and I am not humorous.

So, it may be that no one ever reads these pages, or reads them once and never comes back.

....in fact, I may not come back for long....but I have the urge to blog. To make this my journal of thoughts and trials.

Coming up with a name for my blog was difficult. It is not a very catchy name, but it is from my "life verse"

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13

Not my favorite verse of the Bible, actually. But the one the Lord has assigned to me.

When I married my husband, we both agreed that our married life would be a roller coaster ride. (And it has been!) But, when the Lord gave me this verse, it was as if He was reminding me that the Christian life....MY Christian life....is also going to be a roller coaster ride - and that He is there with me, and that I will have to make difficult choices. And that He will be right there with me.

So, may this blog be a place where I can share my ride, and be reminded that the Lord is the one who has carved out this path for me, and I can be at peace because He strengthens me!